Top 50 Hilarious Jokes to Make Someone Laugh Really Hard

Brighten up your day with the following Top 50 Hilarious Jokes to Make Someone Laugh Really Hard.

Joke 1:
Doctor: Your test results are showing you’ll easily live to be 80.
Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.
Doctor: See, I told you to live healthier!

Joke 2:
Wife calls her mother: “Today I fought so much with my husband. I am coming to live with you again.
Mother: No. He should pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

Joke 3:
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.

Joke 4:
Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.
I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”
He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”

Joke 5:
Doctor says to his patient: “You have cancer and Alzheimer.”
Patient: “At least I don’t have cancer.”

Joke 6:
A man noticed his credit card has been stolen – but he never reported it because the thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.

Joke 7:
Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!

Joke 8:
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow – so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”

Joke 9:
An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
The friend replies “Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”

Joke 10:
A mother asks her son: “Anton, do you think I’m a bad mom?”
Son: “My name is Paul.”

Joke 11:
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”
Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

Joke 12:
One state official to the other: “I don’t know what people have against us – We haven’t done anything.”

Joke 13:
Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?
Andy has diabetes now.

Joke 14:
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Joke 15:
Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in five years’ time Mr. John?”
Mr. John: “Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening.”

Joke 16:
What are you looking at when you see two homeless dudes hitting each other with bits of cardboard?
A pillow fight.

Joke 17:
Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So, shall we cross?
The other shakes his head: “No way, look at what happened to the zebra.”

Joke 18:
Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly.

Joke 19:
I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

Joke 20:
One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

Joke 21:
A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?
Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”

Joke 22:
Today, my son came to me and gave me a hug – out of the blue. I was very pleasantly surprised – that is, until I heard him tell his father, “You’re right. She did gain weight.”

Joke 23:
I proposed to my ex-wife. But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.

Joke 24:
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.

Joke 25:
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.

Joke 26:
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.
I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

Joke 27:
Me and my wife, we’ve decided that we don’t want to have children. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

Joke 28:
Waiter, there’s a fly twitching in my soup!”
“And what do you expect for the price? A ballet?!”

Joke 29:
A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

Joke 30:
We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got myself a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was “Michael”.

Joke 31:
Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser…
What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

Joke 32:
Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?
Patient: What condition?

Joke 33:
Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?”
“No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie.”

Joke 34:
How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?
The blind start reading your face.

Joke 35:
How do you rob a snowman?
With a hairdryer.

Joke 36:
Mr. Smith: “Doctor, do you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?”
Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?”
Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”

Joke 37:
Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”

Joke 38:
My friend Robbie shocked and hurt me. He told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend? It totally ruined our bath!

Joke 39:
“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
“Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.”

Joke 40:
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.

Joke 41:
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

Joke 42:
They say you cannot outrun a bear. True, but don’t panic, usually it is enough to outrun the chubbiest member of your hiking group.”

Joke 43:
He: “Wow, what’s a cute girl like you doing in a corner all alone?”
She: “I had to fart.”

Joke 44:
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man:
“Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?”
“I am not Master Ayumu.”

Joke 45:
Why don‘t cannibals eat divorced women?
Because they’re bitter.

Joke 46:
Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.“

Joke 47:
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

Joke 48:
Grandpa, why don’t you have any life insurance?”
“So you can all be really sad when I die.”

Joke 49:
Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says “Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says “OK, now what?”

Joke 50:
Mama kangaroo is jumping along the bush. Suddenly, a small penguin peeks out of her pouch, vomits and says, “Damn this student exchange!”

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