Top 50 Hilarious Fat and Lazy Jokes for Everyone

Brighten up your day with the following Top 50 Hilarious Fat and Lazy Jokes for Everyone that will make you Laugh out Loud.

Joke 1:
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Joke 2:
I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

Joke 3:
My Room Is Not Messy, It’s An Obstacle Course To Keep Me Fit.

Joke 4:
Laziness Is The Mother Of All Bad Habits. But Ultimately She’s Mother And We Should Respect Her.

Joke 5:
A fat lady says to Big Bertha, “I have had it with dieting… I lost two pounds last week and nobody noticed.”

Joke 6:
Shortest Horror Story: Monday. If Monday Have A Face, I Would Punch It.

Joke 7:
Keep Calm And Pretend It’s Not Monday

Joke 8:
I Feel Like I Should Clean The House, So I’m Going To Lay Down And Nap Until That Feeling Passes.

Joke 9:
The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.

Joke 10:
I Need A Six Months Vacation Twice A Year. Anyone Else With Me On This.

Joke 11:
My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.

Joke 12:
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.

Joke 13:
Revenge? Nah I’m Too Lazy. I’m Just Gonna Sit Here And Let Karma Screw You.

Joke 14:
I’m Not Lazy. I’m Just Highly Motivated Not To Do Anything.

Joke 15:
I Get Tired From Just Thinking About Everything I Have To Do.

Joke 16:
I’m Not Lazy. I’m Just On My Energy Saving Mode.

Joke 17:
Dear Diet, Things aren’t going to work out between us. It’s not me, it’s you. You are tasteless, boring and I can’t stop cheating on you.

Joke 18:
Diet Day 1: I have removed all the food from the house. It was delicious.

Joke 19:
I’m Not Sure If My Body Can Handle Any More Of This “Getting Out Of Bed” Nonsense.

Joke 20:
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Joke 21:
Does it make sense? School For 12 Years, College For 4 Years, Then You Work Until You Die?

Joke 22:
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.

Joke 23:
Alcohol does not make you FAT
It makes you Lean…
Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

Joke 24:
Lazy Rules 1: If It Falls Under The Bed, It Is Lost Forever.

Joke 25:
Lazy Rule 2: Can’t Reach It… Don’t Need It.

Joke 26:
Lazy Rule 3: The Further Away The Remote Is, The More You Like What’s Already On TV.

Joke 27:
I am fat.
No, I am not. I just have fat.
My weight does not define me.
Neither does yours define you.

Joke 28:
Why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate? She was on a crash diet!

Joke 29:
I’m on a Seafood Diet, I see food, and I eat it.

Joke 30:
A Woman sees her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
“Ha, that isn’t going to help.” She says.
“Of course it does. It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Joke 31:
You know you’re fat when you step on the scale and it says “one at a time please”.

Joke 32:
Organized people are just too lazy to look for stuff.

Joke 33:
A lifeguard approaches her and says, “Excuse me ma’am, could you please leave the beach?” The obese lady replies, “Why? What’s wrong?” Well you see, says the lifeguard, “It’s getting pretty late, and the tide wants to come in!”

Joke 34:
Fat people are lucky – they get to eat whatever they want and not worry about getting fat.

Joke 35:
Two guys were walking down two different streets. They meet each other at an intersection and look at each other intently. Fat man to the other: Seems like someone’s been through a famine.
Skinny man replied: Now I know who caused it.

Joke 36:
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Joke 37:
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer selective participation.

Joke 38:
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Joke 39:
I really don’t know which kid I’m supposedly being unfair to, according to my wife, Thomas, Anton, or the fat, ugly one?

Joke 40:
I’m lazy. But it’s the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn’t like walking or carrying things.

Joke 41:
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

Joke 42:
Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser… What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

Joke 43:
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. “Oh no, I look like a pig!” The man nods, “And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!”

Joke 44:
I don’t work on weekends, or any other day that ends with “Y”.

Joke 45:
I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

Joke 46:
Today I Feel Like Putting An “Out Of Order” Stick On My Head And Going Back To Bed.

Joke 47:
Doctor: You’re obese.
Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

Joke 48:
Doctor: “Well, it looks like you’re pregnant.”
Woman: “Oh my God, I’m pregnant?!”
Doctor: “No, it just looks like you are.”

Joke 49:
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Joke 50:
It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.