Top 50 Funny Jokes for Kids and Adults

Brighten up your day with the following Top 50 Funny Jokes for Kids and Adults that will make you Cry.

Joke 1:
I think my Iphone is broken.
I pressed the Home button and I’m still at work. 

Joke 2:
I finally realized it that people are prisoners of their phones that’s why it’s called Cell Phones.

Joke 3:
Women are not Moody.
We simply have days when we’re less inclined to put up with your crap! 

Joke 4:
I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just bullshit.

Joke 5:
Diet tip: Your pants won’t get too tight if you don’t wear any.

Joke 6:
Dear Sleep, I’m sorry I hated you when I was a young kid. Right now I love you very much and I cherish every moment with you. 

Joke 7:
Short People: We maintain a great perspective on life because we are always looking up.

Joke 8:
There should be a calorie refund for things that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Joke 9:
Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body?
I’m not going to do it but can you imagine? 

Joke 10:
Life is short.
So am I.

Joke 11:
Two golden rules to a Happy Marriage:
1. The wife is always right.
2. When you feel she is wrong, slap yourself and read rule number 1 again. 

Joke 12:
I’m a mother!
Never underestimate me!
I know more than I say and notice more than you realize… I have superpowers and eyes in the back of my head! 

Joke 13:
LIFE IS TOO SHORT
To be serious all the time.
So, if you can’t laugh at yourself,
Call me…
I will laugh at you…

Joke 14:
Hi Spider,
Nice Spider,
Let me pet you…
WITH MY FOOT!
Good Spider…
Dead Spider.

Joke 15:
I have a date tonight,
with my bed.
We are totally gonna sleep together.

Joke 16:
My daughter wanted Cinderella-themed party,
So I invited all her friends over and made them clean the house!

Joke 17:
I love everybody.
Some I love to be around,
Some I love to avoid,
and others I would love to punch in the face.

Joke 18:
My room is not dirty.
I just have everything on display.
Like a museum.

Joke 19:
Of course I talk to myself.
Sometimes I need expert advice.

Joke 20:
Messy, it is an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.

Joke 21:
I love my pillow because it gives me different hairstyle every day.

Joke 22:
When you’re stressed, you eat ice-cream, cake, chocolate and sweets,.
Why?
Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Joke 23:
I really think tossing and turning at night should be considered as exercise.

Joke 24:
Calories: are the little bastards that gets together at night in your closet and sew your clothes tighter. My closet is infected with the little shits.

Joke 25:
I hate how chocolate immediately melt on my fingers. I mean, am I that hot?

Joke 26:
Dear Stomach, you’re bored not hungry. So shut up!

Joke 27:
Exercise? I thought you said “Extra Fries”

Joke 28:
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I feel down.
But I had to use my hand to get back up so…
Close enough, now I need Chocolate. 

Joke 29:
I would lose some weight, but I hate losing.

Joke 30:
Diet rule 1: If no one sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.

Joke 31:
I wish there was a way to donate FAT like you can donate Blood.

Joke 32:
I need to start eating more healthily, but first I need to eat all the Junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.

Joke 33:
Patient: the problem is that obesity runs in our family.
Doctor: No, the problem is that no one runs in your family.

Joke 34:
No Matter How Much I Eat At Least My Shoes Still Fit.

Joke 35:
Did you know there’s an app on your phone that makes you look ugly?
It’s called “Camera”.

Joke 36:
Losing Weight Doesn’t Seem To Be Working, So I’m Going To Concentrate On Getting Tall.

Joke 37:
Chocolate Comes From Cocoa, Which Is A Tree. That Makes It A Plant. Chocolate Is Salad.

Joke 38:
I’m In Shape. Round Is A Weight.

Joke 39:
I Only Eat In Three Places: Here, There And Everywhere.

Joke 40:
I Had  A Super Busy Day Today Trying Converting Oxygen To Carbon dioxide.

Joke 41:
I Think Sundays Should Be 48 hours Instead Of The Usual 24 hours So We Have More Time To Prepare For Monday.

Joke 42:
If There’s An Award For Laziness, I’d Probably Send Someone To Pick It Up For Me.

Joke 43:
When Life Knock Me Down, Instead Of Getting Back Up, I Usually Lay There And Take A Nap.

Joke 44:
When Cleaning The Room: 1% Cleaning, 30%Complaining, 69% Playing With The Stuff I Just Found.

Joke 45:
HOMEWORK: Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge.

Joke 46:
Waking up by 7 am should be illegal.

Joke 47:
There’s only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in half.
I don’t want two of you around.

Joke 48:
I’m in Shape.
Unfortunately, that shape is potato.

Joke 49:
I have been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is 14 days!

Joke 50:
I wish I could lost weight as easy as I lose my keys, Pens, Cell Phones, my temper and even my mind.

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